Hello everyone (assuming someone is reading this) lol
I've decided that perhaps writing a blog might help me with the feelings I am going through at the moment the highs and the lows, life in general!
So I have cut 'n' paste the following from the forums and hope that this might be the start of a new path for me to walk no matter how lonely it may become......

[quote]Dear friends, I'm on such a low I've cried so much over the last few nights (yep, nights are always the worst for me) asking what is the point of my life, I don't want to wake up to yet another day without my husband, I'm trying to live a normal life as possible (whatever that might be) but life will never be 'normal' for me again how can it be, the man I love was taken from me - I'm told by family and friends that I am loved and that must be reason in itself...well yes perhaps I am loved, but it's certainly not the same kind of love, and I'm no longer able to share the love I had for Simon.
No one ever sees the tears that continously flow inside, I hurt so much ~ I'm back to my question ~ what is the point of it all?[quote]

Please feel free to 'walk' along my path with me, perhaps then it may not feel so lonely.

Dear Jay
I could't begin to understand the pain and confusion that you feel at the moment, I know your loss is relatively recent and you are experiencing so much hurt, anger, regret and guilt.
If you need to shout and scream please feel free to pm me and I will listen, I am often up in the early hours of the morning, so if you feel lonely pm me and if I'm about I will respond, my name doesn't show on the board index but I may still be about.
Sue xxxx

Hi,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, I lost my father 13 months ago, I know it isn't the same at all but some of the feelings I feel now and felt then may be similar. I am very much a night owl and tend not to sleep til early hours so if you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to shout at I'm around.
Anita xx

Hi Jay,
I cant begin to understand losing a partner as you have. Almost 3 years on i am still in the same frame of mind as you though after my daughter was stillborn. I want to see a point but i am finding it very hard...as you are! Some days are quite bleak......but other days can be quite positive. Today has been a bleak one for me, and i dont feel like doing anything or speaking to anyone...but eventually it passes to allow a little sushine in until the next bad day. I hope life isnt too hard on you each day. Have a good cry and remember the fun times you had together. He will be very proud of you now xxxxxxxxx nikki xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Life can be so cruel at times, I often think that its the people who are left behind that suffer the most, but cherish the memories. xx

(((Hugs))) to all you wonderful people, I never expected to get the support and understanding from so many people it's quite humbling ~ thank you!

Well as they say today is another day, I have felt sad a few times but the tears haven't flowed, I've managed to do two things today that I thought would never be possible again!
I've listened to some music ~ something I haven't been able to do since Simons death, and I played a track from a cd, that I brought him for Christmas last year, on which there is one track that Simon played to me the night before he died.... 'Something Right' by Westlife, he said the words said it all.
Now this may not sound alot but to me it's HUGE.

I realize thanks to many of you, that I should be 'kind to myself' instead of trying to put a brave face on things, I'm entitled to feel down/low/or whatever and I should acknowledge that, it's something I think I have been a little frighted off...why...I don't know, just one of those things I guess!

Jay , you have taken a huge step today, I think your Simon would be proud of you. Bit by bit you will get 'there'. There will be fragile times amongst the better times, but talk out what you feel. There will always be folks on here to listen and tell you that it is okay to feel sad, afraid or even happy. Don't you think Simon would understand? Of course he would. xxx

You are doing well, take each day as it comes, and go with the flow of emotions, dont fight them, let them lead you....my mum died when I was 21, my dad when I was 30, from that moment on I lived on my own and had some real low moments, but some good moments too from time to time..I still feel low when the anniversaries come around, its just 18 years now since my Dad died and I have felt quite subdued, my husband noticed and remarked that I seemed a bit "lost", and thats how it gets me. I dont think you ever get over losing someone, but you do come to terms with it..its horrible, but you are getting there, well done especially for listening to the Westlife song xx Take care xx